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#74
Sept 29, 2005 16:27:17 GMT -5
Post by Steve on Sept 29, 2005 16:27:17 GMT -5
74.
Sing to me Alex, of the things we have forgotten, (Alice)
Let your voice penetrate through my skin
And wrap its fingers around my sins.
It’s been ages since I’ve seen your sculpted face,
Your loving eyes speaking to me
All of that in which your tongue won’t let free-
How they speak to me.
Sing to me Alex, of all the places you have been, (Alice)
Let your syllables land upon my lips
So that they lay wet and hard for fear to grip.
Why has your notes drifted off?
They hung gracefully like a droplet of de-w-
‘What is that? You wish for me to sing to you… (Alice)
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#74
Oct 6, 2005 15:48:00 GMT -5
Post by danielle on Oct 6, 2005 15:48:00 GMT -5
I love this one! simply, truly, passionately.
I love this one.
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#74
Oct 6, 2005 16:41:27 GMT -5
Post by Steve on Oct 6, 2005 16:41:27 GMT -5
i think i could have done better, not with the plot, but with lay out and stressing the fact that the name in parenthesis ws to be replacable with alex, that i was asking alex when you read it the first time, then it was addressed to alice the second reading.
but...i think it has an odd, uneven charm when people read it thinking that i am alice asking alex...
no matter how we write, it will be molden into what the reader wants...the beauty and frustration of wrting.
but thank you loads
seriously
i just needed some hardcore critiquing, so i did it........long story about another poetry forum, where they can't handle critics
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#74
Oct 10, 2005 23:46:44 GMT -5
Post by danielle on Oct 10, 2005 23:46:44 GMT -5
sorry my mistake
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#74
Oct 11, 2005 1:18:09 GMT -5
Post by Steve on Oct 11, 2005 1:18:09 GMT -5
mistake...no. compliments are always welcome, they are usually the things that keep you going
so thank you again
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#74
Oct 21, 2005 0:12:17 GMT -5
Post by danielle on Oct 21, 2005 0:12:17 GMT -5
"i just needed some hardcore critiquing, so i did it......." not my style if i don't like it... i won't say anything but then again i don't talk that much anyhow
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#74
Oct 23, 2005 0:29:15 GMT -5
Post by Steve on Oct 23, 2005 0:29:15 GMT -5
such a pity, if your voice is anything like your words...i believe that it may be a gross loss to us all.
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#74
Oct 23, 2005 17:51:51 GMT -5
Post by danielle on Oct 23, 2005 17:51:51 GMT -5
i have the voice of a angel
and in my angelic voice i say
"I love this one! simply, truly, passionately.
I love this one."
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